Postcards From Paradise

Husband and  I were lucky enough to spend the last glorious week in the Bahamas, on the aptly named Paradise Island. And I have to say, it lived up to its name. It was gorgeous. White sand beaches, the brightest, clearest, turquoise water that just so happened to be the perfect temperature. Amazing food (shocker that that made it at the top of the list, right?). Sunshine. Laughter. Romance. Fun. Sleep. Repeat.
As I explained HERE, this is pretty much a big fat deal to us. Travel is something we both have always wanted to do, but have not always had the time/money/gumption to just go ahead and do. Not very much at least, especially since having kids.  Husband lived in Europe for a year before we dated and has always remembered that time in his life with such fondness that it always gives me a small pang of regret to not have shared in those memories with him. So, Europe aside, we have been beyond thrilled to have earned two vacations (part of Husbands compensation at work) in two years now. As we boarded our plane I thought about how Im a pretty big fan of Edward Jones these days. In fact, if ol Teddy Jones wouldve been there, I might have been obliged to give him a big frencher for coming up with the brilliant idea of this all-expense-paid vacation business! Genius, if you ask me.

So I could go on and on about how wonderful and peaceful and lovely the whole week was and how grateful I am to have had time alone with Husband to just enjoy his company and recharge my batteries. But I thought it'd be a little more fun to sum it up in a little something I like to call  "Akward and Awesome, Bahamian Edition."

AKWARD: Husband and I lying in the shallow water looking for seashells for Bigger One, when a small but ferocious fish out of nowhere bites him directly on the nipple. Which was so funny it made it also a little bit awesome.

AWESOME:  Well, the whole bit.

Taking in the delightfully unfamiliar scenery.

Celebrating being married for 9 years to the man I love. (Awe. Look at him. Isnt he cute?)

Swimming with the dolphins.

Napping under palm trees.

Afternoons spent reading on the beach. (Outlander, no less. Husband by my side, waves in the background, and James Fraser on the page? Me likey.)  Followed by leisurely, candlit dinners that came in courses and lasted for two hours. Bliss.

Akward and Awesome

Our family likes to play many different versions of this game -asking the kids the peak/pit of their day at the  dinner table, recognizing both the akward and awesome highlights of the week or of certain events, etc, but they all basically boil down to the same idea. I mostly love hearing these stories from my 4 year old daughter who's entire life plays out as a minidrama. Her colorful insight and perspective almost always catch me off guard. She's got a lot going on upsairs and I find it delightfully interesting.
So here is the highlight reel of my personal akward and awesome moments this week:

Akward: As you know, Husband and I have been trying to lose a few lb's and with vacation only a week and a half away, we've really kicked it up a notch recently. (Of course I've been working at it for a few months and have lost only 10 lbs. Husband mentions offhandedly at dinner one night a couple weeks ago how he "thinks maybe he'd like to lose a few pounds"...and wakes up ten pounds lighter the next day. Rude!)(Im happy for him, really. But still. Rude.)

So Tuesday was just one of those days. You know the kind. Where the odds just seem against you. The dog rolled in poison oak, the kids were tired and whiney, Little One is cutting his 2 yr molars and is super fussy, it was hot and muggy outside so all outdoor activities reduced us all to sweaty crankpots, there was a rancid, undefinable stench coming from somewhere in the fridge that I could not for the LIFE of me pinpoint (Incidentally, I never did find the source of the smell. I emptied, scrubbed, and restocked the entire fridge and never found anything suspicious... which I found completely vexing. Oh well, the fridge got cleaned.) But you get the picture.

I'd not had much time to prepare healthy food all day either, which resulted in me only eating an apple, a yogurt, and a granola bar, which left me ravenous by the time Husband walked in the door at 6 oclock. (Admission Alert!) Me starving, equals me with devil horns. Its true. And so embarrassing. But mostly just the cold hard truth. Whenever I get cranky or emotional Husband always asks me if Im hungry or about to start my period. Which I find enfuriating! As if every emotion I feel must be validated by my stomach or my lady busines? Pshaw! But as much I hate to admit it (and I do) he's pretty much got me dialed in.

Needless to say, I was seriously lacking in carbs and in positive outlook, not to mention being about 'thisclose' to gnawing my own arm off by the time Husband had changed out of his tie. I cornered him on his way out of the closet, grabbed him by the arm, and pleaded "I cant take it anymore! Im starving! Take me to Applebee's!". LOL. Yes, Applebee's. My freind Poopie (its a nickname- long story) tells me that no one eats at Applebee's anymore but I dont care. They have the best buffalo wings ever. Husband could tell by my urgency that I was not to be messed with, so we loaded up the kids and headed to Applebee's. And discovered to the all of our delight, that on Tuesday nights kids eat for only .99 cents (how's that for economic?!) and they even had a clown there to paint faces and blow up balloons. True story. And no, this post was not meant to be a plug for Applebee's, its just turning out that way on accident.

So we ordered some buffalo wings to "share", and about 87 seconds later Husband turned around to find them almost all gone and me, happy as a clam. At which point, he openly started laughing and teasing me about the direct link to my appetite and mood. Match Point goes to Husband.  Shrug. Oh well, whaddayagonnado?

This week's Awesome highlight: Well... THIS!  Where we are breaking ground on our new home!

So its not much to look at just yet, but soon our new home will sit right there. Very exciting stuff.

So, what was your akward and awesome this week? Come on, its only fair, I told you mine.

The Thing About Gumption

     The thing about gumption... is that its best to have it in direct proportion to graciousness. I think. Dont you think?

I mean, people can be so different! The world takes all kinds, yes? Different ideas, different ways of communicating, different ways of reacting, different levels of being opinionated. I think Im a pretty average person. Usually somewhere in the middle of the pack. Fairly level-headed, fairly reasonable, usually polite- you know, normal. Haha! As if anyone has the exact same impression of what's "normal". What may seem outlandish to me, might be perfectly alright to the next guy, or vice versa. Which can make daily social life a little tricky to navigate at times.

 But shouldnt there be an underlying theme? An unspoken agreement or sorts? A little of what Aretha might call R-E-S-P-E-C-T? (chuckling) Ok, dont worry, Im not gonna bust out a gospel choir to "mm hmm" and "amen" all my bullet points on decency. Although that does sound like a wildly good idea. (Moms: wouldnt it be awesome if every time we corrected our kids we had a backup choir to really drive home our point? You know, just for emphasis? LOL "Share with your brother" (insert music notes) "Because its the right thing to do"- it'd all just sound so much more fun if a gospel choir sang it)

 Appearantly, even the playground is not much of a safe zone, as I discovered today when some lady got all huffy and rude with me out of nowhere. I literally didnt even see her coming. But all of a sudden, there she was  in my peripheral vision, swooping in and taking a big dump on my nice day.

 I took Bigger One to meet a little freind for a playdate and did the whole bit where you try to carry on a coversation with the other parent, while keeping a hawkeye on Big One and Little One at the same time. Especially Little One, who is a daredevil toddler and likes to give me little mini heart attacks by jumping off of things all the time. This involves lots of unfinished sentences, darting back and forth, and apologizing for always looking over the other parent's shoulder while you talk to them, but its what ya gotta do. Its understood. Its better than him falling to a terrible death from the jungle gym because I wasnt watching. (Confession: I live in fear of this. Im literally waiting for the first broken bone, or trip to the ER because he has jumped off something he should have never been on in the first place. He likes to test this out. His noggin is surprisingly risilient though. Its already been through a lot in his short life.)

I stood about 5 feet from Little One and had my eye trained on him the whole time he played, and he was having the time of his life. Great. Wonderful. Another sunny day at the park. Then he started to cry and call for me, so naturally I ran to him. (Incidentally, he was fine. Just hot and sweaty and thirsty) But appearantly the ten seconds it took for me to get to him was enough time to make him look like some poor rosy cheeked abandoned child who's mother doesnt take care of him. Because that's all it took for some lady to swoop in with her eagle talons and verbally claw my face off. Okay, not really. Im not even sure that translates. But I did get the unsettling feeling that she wasnt above a good clawing.

This total stranger, this person I dont even know, was all judgements and disapproving looks, hissing and shouting to me across the playground to me that he's crying, when Im visibly on my way to him already. Shaking her head and loudly lamenting for all to hear that the poor boy just needs his mother. The poor boy was having a grand time. And being well behaved. And the poor boy's mother was watching him the entire time.Then she was right there next to me, still carrying on. Im not even sure I heard all of her words. They were ugly words anyway.  In the moment, I scooped up my son, gave the slightest of nods in acknowledgement to Eagle Talons and walked away. Its my usual MO. Be nice and get the heck outta there. I hate confrontation. No part of me enjoys it. Im a peacekeeper of sorts. But then as I stood there, feeling her eyes burn into me, it sort of made me... angry. Then it made my blood boil. Where do people get off?! I mean, really?

Maybe Im too far across the other side of the line. Maybe I avoid confrontation to a fault. This is something to consider. (Later, when I have time) I've mentioned before the goal I set-  That if I must err, to err on the side of graciousness. But I have to say, in the last ten years as my 20's slowly slip into my 30's, I've learned a lot about who I actually am.  Being gracious will always be a goal, but I've realized that there is something to be said for some good old fashioned gumption as well. Its a fantastic quality to have. In fact, I'd like more of it.

Oh to be a person who shoots straight! Who says what they mean and means what they say. Who is sure of their convictions. Who is gutsy. Who is honest. Who never sinks to being passive aggressive. I think you can still be all of those things and still be kind and humble?  Its all in the delivery. When there is  a problem with someone, speak the truth to them in love. It works wonders! 1 Corinthians 16:14 "Do everything in love." To the point. I like it.

Conflict doesnt ever go away. It starts on the playground and it finds its way into most places Im afraid. But Id gamble to say that a little bit of grace and a little bit of gumption can go a long way in life.

Maybe Not an Epic Fail, but Definitely Wiggity Wack

          Epic.    Fail.
 I'll go ahead and bite off the words and choke them down... Let them marinade like a bitter tonic. The truth is staring me brazenly in the face. The scale does not lie. That harsh and impudent number shamelessly blinking back at me from under my feet offends my sensabilites.

It has been a while since I've posted any updates regarding my mission to trim down. I dont want to beat a dead horse, or consume my writing with petty concerns.There are many more important things to talk about.  But lets face it, its a legitemate concern at the moment. And of all the things that I am or am not, I do try to be honest and real. Good, bad, ugly, or otherwise. So in the spirit of keeping it real, I do hereby swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. (just dont ask me about the Red Robin whiskey river bbq chicken sandwich. One instance where the truth isnt good for anyone)

 I think last time we checked in I miraculously lost 5 pounds in one week. And then I lost 1 more gimpy pound over two weeks. And now, almost a whole month later? NO MAS. Not one more pound. I am...disappointed. And only a little bit indignant. It never used to be this hard!? Is this a sign of aging?  I used to get away with cutting corners. But those days are over for me. As I mentioned here, YOU'VE GOTTA DO THE WORK!  Its simple math, really. Calories in. Calories out. Its not rocket science! Its not hard, its just...HARD.

Hard, yes. Impossible, no. I have done it before, I'll do it again. Well, I AM doing it. Six pounds is...considerable! (Can you tell by all the exclamation points that Im really trying to rally, here?)  Its progress. Its halfway. The element of panic I feel is due to the fact that time is running out. Summer has arrived. Its here. No more rainchecks (pun intended). Vacation is less than 6 weeks away. I thought I'd be done by now! Not floundering around like a whale out of water at the midway point!

I need to get my head back in the game. I need to change it up. I also need to stay positive. While it felt like it for a moment there on the scale, this is not an epic fail. I AM losing weight! Just a lot slower than Im accustomed to. I need to remember that its a process that happens one decision at a time. One healthy choice after another... after another... after another. Patience has never been my strong suit.

Maybe I should take up running again. I have a track literally on the other side of my backyard. Maybe I just need to get out in the fresh air and hit the track, leaving a trail of fervent effort in my wake. I feel like Im in a P90X rut. Its sunny and beautiful outside, and it just feels wrong to be excersizing indoors in a stuffy little area. Like a hamster in a wheel.  I am genuinely missing my gym membership right about now- a day I never thought I'd see! Spinning classes were my favorite way to work out. It was actually fun and I really enjoyed the element of fellow spinners. It was also brutal.  I mean, you know you're working hard when you're WRISTS are sweating, right? But spinning is not an option at the moment. Boo friggity hoo. Its time to improvise. Time to rally. My goal is still within reach- I have long arms. (I actually do. My brother in law used to call me Inspector Gadget because it took me a while to grow into my arms. Im happy to report that my limbs are all fairly dimentional these days. Ankles excluded.)

So that's the truth. I am disappointed, a teeny weeny bit panicked, and (foolishly) indignant. But I cannot claim to be confused. I know exactly why its taking so long. Its my own doing. Have I skipped workouts? A few. Have I cheated with the food? *Cough* What whiskey river bbq chicken sandwhich? Fries? What?! Chipotle? Me? (In my defense, I will say that Chipotle is bar none the best burrito I've ever tasted. So whenever passing through a town that boasts this delicious treat, I cannot pass it up. Cannot. That discussion is off the table.) LOL. But that's life. And its ok. As long as Im a good little soldier and fall back in line. Im making progress. Im halfway to my goal! I think at the halfway point there should be little mile markers. Or some kind of little signs that say "Discipline!" "Self Control!" "PS: You are doing this because you WANT to, and not because you have to! So shut up and quit your belly-aching." "PSS: Good job" "PPSS: Keep up the good work!"... I would find that helpful.

In conclusion, my goals for the next month are:
 1) Chin up and stay positive.
 2) Hit it harder with the workouts.
 3) More water
 4) Eat breakfast! Every day! (I know, I should've been doing that a loooong time ago)
 5) Eat something small and healthy every few hours.
 6) Keep perspective. This is something Im trying to improve and that's all it is. Be thankful for what I've got. Which is considerable. Health, Family, Basic necessities. More than a lot of people in the world. Make that double thankful.

It's Confirmed

Well, it's confirmed!
I cannot watch any photo montage set to music without crying. It doesnt matter what the pictures are of. I will cry. I am literally sitting in my chair chuckling (okay fine, cackling) out loud at myself right now. I think I always suspected this truth about myself, but today it was confirmed. I went to my niece's 8th grade graduation feeling 100% non-emotional about it. Just a happy day.  I sat down, looked at all the parents, was reminded that my own daughter will someday be graduating the 8th grade and had to bite my lip because I felt it coming. "Be cool Salhus" Im thinking..."It's akward if you cry. It's not even your daughter..."

Then the photo montage started. Set to music (which is the real emotional-clencher for me). I could'nt help it! I cried. I literally felt embarrassed, which made me laugh (I always default to laughing when I dont know what to do). So, I was probably a very unsettling bench-mate to the kindly, old man sitting next to me...with my half crying, half laughing, entirely strange display. Ah, who cares. Like I said, he was kindly. And my sister was there to laugh with me. She gets me. And that helps in any situation.

Sitting there in the auditorium, smelling that lingering funk specific to all school gymnasiums, looking at the pictures, looking at my niece- it all took me back to my own high school and even college days.  Any of you readers who know me well at all, know that I am a VERY nostalgiac person. "Remember When" is my second all time favorite game. (My first is "Name That Movie". Because I rule at it)

 "Remember when junior prom was ruined by my akward date?", "Rememeber when Norby and I fell in the middle of that pep rally and my cheer uniform went over my head, going from barely existent to nonexistent?", "Remember when we pulled that all nighter at Denny's?" , "Remember when we'd all sit outside in the commons talking and laughing til midnight every night?" "Remember that road trip to HB?" "Remember Amber's "Jungle Fever" dance?"(the other Amber), "Remember Little Blue? (my first car) And late night trips to Taco Bell while we listened to Aretha Franklin?" "Member that?"

I don't know why I love memory lane so much! Well, yes I do. Because we had a lot of good times! Those years for me were filled with laughter and excitement and new chapters and, of course, romances. But I don't look back on those times with anything other than fondness. I have no desire to go back to that time of life. While it was all invigorating and new and delightfully free of responsibility- it was also not "as good as it gets", as they say. Ya know what I mean? It bothers me when peers freak out and essentially turn their lives upside down, based on the desire to regain freedom or youth or whatever it is they think they want to go back to and get more of.  Yuck, that sounds judgemental. Let me rephrase. People might turn their lives upside down for any number of good and real reasons and that is, of course, no business of mine. I guess I just mean, for me personally, I hope to grab on to each day and get the most out of it, regardless of what lies within those 24 hrs. And then to move on to the next with a sense of contentment. Take it for what it is.  I hope to, and I want to, but I need to do it more.

I'm past the high school, the college, and even the newlywed days. They each had their peaks and their valleys. Now I'm in that phase where we have small children and on some days it feels like that alone is an engulfing experience. We're riding that rollercoaster of joy and triumph, heartache and fear, bafflement and wonder. Kids can take you from pride to dismay and back again multiple times in a day, yes?! And while I will admit, I have had moments (only moments!) of feeling like motherhood might swallow me whole- it's also not the only thing about me. I am a wife. I am a sister. I am a friend. I am a daughter. I am a mother. I am good at certain things and I'm hopeless at others.

I've written before about my desire and goal to be more PRESENT in each day, in each moment. It's so easy Not to do. I can so quickly fill up my time with cleaning, cooking, dressing, bathing, changing diapers, running errands. All good things. All things that need doing. But I want to take more time to appreciate. To soak it up. To play more barbies with my daughter, to make more mudpies with my son, and to remember to give my husband that look that he knows means "I love you" in the middle of the evening, bathtime chaos. To laugh more with my freinds.

But ya know what? It struck me as I was sitting there in that stinky gymnasium tearing up over pictures of kids that I dont even know- I'm happy with the way life is turning out. Not all days feel "happy", not all relationships are free of drama, I don't always know what to do as a parent, it doesnt always feel easy. Okay it rarely feels easy! But I am at a point in my life where I can look backwards with fondness and I can look forward with hope- and I can thank my God for where He's planted my feet right now, today. Wasn't it Paul who said, "I've learned how to abase and how to abound."? So whether today is a 'peak' kind of a day or a 'pit' kind of a day, it's still a day I've been given. What will I do with it?

Well Would'nt You Know...

Hello dear readers! I've missed you. Its been a busy month here at the Maxi Pad (my home) I know. Its a terrible thing to name a home. But like most jokes that stick, its slightly inapropriate and equally catchy. Im not even sure how it got started actually, considering there are an equal number of males and females living in our house. I think it traces back to Ladies Night. Not "going out" like most savvy chicks in their twenties probably do. No, we'd get in our sweats, eat desserts, and watch the Batchelor. Terribly wild of us, isnt it? Anyway, long story short, that's how nicknaming my home "the Maxi Pad" got started and this is where talking about it ends.

So life has been very busy this month, but I cant quite pinpoint why. Just business as usual I suppose. Big One is finishing her first year of preschool (single tear) and getting ready for her first ballet recital- all very grownup things for her little self. Im torn between pride and helplessness as I watch her turn into this independant little person. Little One is turning into quite the livewire and requiring much more of my attention as of late. The minute it gets quiet, is one minute too late to start looking for him. He's all dimples and innocence until he makes up his mind to be naughty. The closer we get to 2, the more I savor the days of sweetness and simplicity with him. I know they are numbered. Husband and I managed to sneak in a mini-break away together last weekend, which was lovely. There's nothing like waking up and realizing that I can shamelessly lie in bed for twenty minutes before getting up because no one needs me! Glorious. We enjoyed peaceful, leisurely meals, staying up late and sleeping in, and hours of bonding time in the car. We've been mulling over some decisions lately, and we were able to make some real progress towards that end. We always seem to get some of our best talking done in the car. Dont know why, something about the open road I guess.

In other news: I FINALLY, lost a few pounds! I recently shared my descent into fatness with you all (because you're the gracious and encouraging type) in my "For Realsies" post. I got myself into a funk and I've spent the past month spinning my wheels. I have been working out, eating clean, and that stupid scale was not budging. It could have something to do with the fact that (TMI alert) I started taking birth control pills again this month. Hopefully that's not an overshare. And if it is...too late! Im pretty sure it's contributed to at least 5 of my "extra" pounds. Blurg. 

So one whole month of these shenanigans and no real progress! So frustrating. Then my dvd player broke so I havent been able to do my P90X videos for a little over a week. Well would'nt you know, one week of not working out and even cheating a little with my diet, and I lost FIVE pounds! In one week! What the what?! I dont get it, but I am just going to be thankful and keep plugging away. Its tempting to test this theory further and see if I can do it again for another week, but something tells me that's not wise. It probably would just end up with me indulging my way back to the number I started from. The number that shall forever remain shrouded in mystery, rather than ever be spoken aloud.
Would'nt you know.

The B Word

     Budget.

     This is generally when people flinch and suck air through their teeth, practicaly hissing and turning away in a distasteful manner. As if to shake it off. At least that's how I reacted when Husband dropped the B word on me a few months ago. There's an undeniable stigma attached to the B word.  Not only because finances are something of such a deeply personal nature that it verges on taboo to discuss, but also because the word itself almost carries a negative connotation. BUDGET. Blech.
     For me, it conjured up visions of raggedy children with dirt smudged cheeks, and a doggedly tired husband who doles out an allowance to old wifey at the end of the day- you know, for toilet paper and milk and terribly boring yet necessary things of that nature. That's awful, I know. But its really what hovers in the back of my mind upon mention of the B word. Or did, rather.
     But I suppose a budget is whatever you make it. And its whatever you make OF it, if you get right down to brass tacks. It's taken me a few months but Im actually making freinds with our budget. Playing nice. Almost even embracing it.  In fact, now that we have "budgeted" our lives, I daresay we may never turn back! The bit I've found pleasantly surprising is the freedom in a budget. There are no guilty purchases, no chunks of money "slipping through the cracks" so to speak, with no guess as to where it wound up or what it went towards. Which,(sidetrip warning!) now that I think about it, is probably why I have grown to enjoy budgeting. If for no other reason than the organizational element! Its all there, laid out and compartmentalized. And if there's one thing that I thrive on, its being neat and tidy. Sounds pretty lame, huh? But as one of my girlfriends once told me "Ya know what?! I like the fact that your face blushes and that I could eat off of your kitchen floor!". We are who we are, yes? No sense fussing over the things that will never change.- But back to the B word. Where were we?  Oh yes, the freedom! I rather enjoy it! If I know we have set aside X amount of money for groceries, bills, dining out, clothes shopping, birthday presents, etc etc etc- its a more tranquil feeling when I throw down the card or swipe it through the machine at the end of a transaction. I can swipe away with total peace of mind. Ha, in your face, budget!

    At the same token,  I have found it to be tricky at times. I can't lie. It was an adjustment. Husband and I sat down at the beginning of the year and set some goals. Some lofty, some smaller scale. We decided that it was time to get proactive and intentional about our finances- particularly saving. Maybe it comes with the territory when you're married to a financial advisor, but I have to say, Husband was right. We were spending money where sometimes we shouldnt. Not in a frivolous way, but more of a ...neglectful (for lack of a better word) way? We just werent always paying attention. Ok FINE.  Mostly me.
And time is sort of a relentless buggar, so month after month passes without much notice and its easy not to reach our financial goals. Whatever they may be. Save. Pay off debts. Buy a home. Put away for the kids. Save more. LOL.My list could be a mile long. There never seems to be a shortage of uses for money, right? Just a shortage OF it sometimes.

     As I said, it has been an adjustment, but surprisingly, not a hard one. I have actually gotten much more cost-effective in my grocery shopping. I FINALLY starting making some sort of a meal plan for the week before I went to the grocery store, which I never used to do. I'd just mosey along the aisles and, with a basic knowledge of my usual necessities, I'd pretty much grab whatever struck my fancy. This usually resulted in a pantry stocked with 27 cans of olives (not that you can ever have too many black olives if you ask me though), 10 jars of marinara, innumerable amounts of chicken broth and white wine for cooking, enough pasta in every shape to feed a small army, and an odd assortment of ethnic foods "just in case Im in the mood for thai".  Yet somehow if I was looking for garbanzo beans or chili paste or something more specific I never seemed to have it.  Being armed with a plan has not only cleaned up my pantry, but taken the panic out of the daily decision of what to make for dinner.

     Like I said, a budget really is whatever you make it. Its personalized. Every family has different needs, goals, and spending habits. Our has been a little different each month because of holidays, moves, trips, and the like. We still eat out and shop(although not as much as I used to) and go to the movies and do fun stuff with the kids. We have made small sacrifices (i.e. gym membership. Awe, shucks!) and changed some habits, but we have also lived life normally and still had fun and not felt deprived or stifled by our budget. More importantly, we have made strides in meeting our goals. We have saved! Next stop, dream house? How's that for lofty? :)

     Cheers to the B word.