2013: My One Word

Hello my dear compadres! Happy New Year.

I hope 2013 finds you well.
I have been thinking and praying about my goals and hopes for this year and doing a little bit of rearranging of priorities. Pausing for a beat, to reflect on the most important things to me, and if my time spent is a true reflection of that. I spoke last year about my "One Word" (which naturally turned into four words) for the year, and how I wanted to use that one word as a springboard, a filter, a measure, and a goal. Maybe it's a bit corny, but it resonated with me nonetheless. Funny, how I carried on and on about my first two words which were "Content" and "Invested", and it ended up being my other two words ("Hospitable" and "Gracious") that were put to the test in my real everyday life this year. Or, not funny at all? Isn't that how God often works? Making us put our money where our big mouth is?

In the spirit of continuity, I decided to choose one word for 2013 as well. I have hemmed and hawed and thought and prayed and wrestled with choosing my one word. After all, I am not a decisive person. And I am certainly not a person of few words. In all of my soul searching and reflecting, I just kept coming back to this one word, this one thought.

This year I want to be UNHINDERED.

Hebrews 12:1
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."

I am not exactly sure all that lies on the path marked out for me. I fear I have been meandering along, unwittingly collecting distractions and sometimes losing sight of the "race set before me."
So I am taking a bit of a timeout to rearrange my time spent and my priorities. No existential crisis here, or noble proclamations about striking the perfect balance in my life. I know better than to claim that grandiose of an ideal.
I just want to scale back a tiny bit. Take a timeout. I want to cultivate the relationships and the things in my life that are edifying- and adversely, to recognize those that are not. To shrug off the things that don't serve a purpose in building up my marriage, my family, my faith, or my health.

I think for me this means being less PLUGGED in and more TUNED in. A little less screen time and a little more face time. A little less social networking and a little more real life heart-to-heart networking- with my kids, my husband, my family, my friends. I am a very social person and I rarely go a week without fellowship of some kind, but I would like to cultivate this more in my life. I want to be unhindered and unhurried and less distracted in my daily life, so that I may "run with perseverance the race set before me."

How's that for grandiose?

Tales From the Trenches: On Staying Home and Staying Positive

Im not going to lie. Im going a little bit crazy. Not to mention stir crazy. Winter has set in, the days are shorter and darker, and Husband has recently been otherwise occupied by the teeny tiny project of a new home, which has often left the kids and I filling our time at home. The weather has turned cold and wet which rules out most outside play. Park days have dwindled, and confession: so have playing-in-the-backyard-days because of Buster's land mines that Husband normally picks up, but now have become my area of responsibility. Along with taking out the trash and raking leaves and other silently agreed upon "man jobs" in our house. And while I officially can (and do!- points there) get these tasks done, lets all be real here. Where Husband would do them bi-weekly, I've done them bi-monthly. Atrocious, I know.

So we've spent many a day indoors. Trying to keep two kids busy and happy and out of trouble. This takes an exorbitant amount of effort some days! Puzzles are ruined by little brother. So are all endeavors to draw, paint, color, or cut/glue. And since Im making a genuine effort to minimize screen time (sidenote: this is a real effort at improvement on my part, because both my kids will happily sit in front of the tv and watch movies together in blissful quiet harmony. While there is nothing wrong with this, and we do it often, I am trying to engage them more.) Be present, right?! Do the work! Make deposits in their little hearts! All the stuff that they dont tell you is the actual hard part of parenting.

SO. Its been interesting. In fact, this very minute, my two pajama clad tinies have gotten into the art cupboard and there are markers, paint brushes, color books, and the like all over my kitchen counter. There have been no altercations, no tears, and no damage to clothing, person, or surface, so Im allowing it to go on unsupervised. For now. I think this has actually been good for me in terms of loosening up. As a person who is perpetually tidying and cleaning I have gotten better at living life and allowing messes. (Kids will do that to you.) Sure! Get out the playhouse! And the barbies and the play food, and the hot wheels, and the baby dolls, and the airplanes, and the books. And ok fine, the toy microphone. And sure! We can play with it all at once! Mix it all up together! Go for it.

 Its good for me and its good for them. The 2 year old is learning to play and use his imagination and share and get along. The 4 year old is learning that if you're big enough to get it out, you're big enough to clean it all up. She's also learning patience with the 2 year old because he reeks havoc on all of her best laid plans. She's learning to lead by example and do the right thing even when its not always "fair". 

 I'M learning that I have a lot to learn. Some days I finish with a sense of pride and joy and fullness.  For the quality time spent reading books and snuggling. For getting down on the floor with them and pretending. For diffusing arguments and drawing the right responses out of them.  For being Fun Mommy! Which, if Im being totally honest, is usually Daddy's area of expertise. (I say this fondly and begrudgingly at the same time.) I love that Husband comes home, changes out of his work clothes and then wrestles on the floor with the kids while I cook dinner. I love that they squeal with delight when they hear the garage door open. It only makes me a little bit sad that Im not the first one they run to, to be silly with. But really, that's my own doing. Some days Im pleased with myself for turning off the tv, and turning on the music and dancing around the living room with the kids- AND managing to be productive at the same time. In the way that it really counts, and in the practical, getting-the-floors-mopped kind of way.

 And then some days I feel utterly defeated. Some days I forget to play and have fun because Im too busy taking care of life. Some days the kids have fought, the house is a mess, and I have lost my patience (after the 17th time little brother has climbed on the counter and emptied the entire contents of my purse, then ruined his sister's art project and thrown every single crayon in every single direction.) Some days big sister has been excessively whiny and contrary. Some days I have a hard time controlling THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE! Its true. Go ahead and judge. Some days I let them watch too much tv. (Cringe) Eeek. I know.

But we are living life. Life is messy and complicated and full of mistakes. But God is faithful. Lessons have been learned. Important lessons. Like, positive reinforcement and encouragement and praise are every bit as important as discipline. Like, if I want my kids to practice  kindness, gentleness, patience, self control, etc.- then I ought to be practicing them myself. Like, thankfulness for simplicity. Sometimes when raising small children, its easy to get swallowed up in the minutiae of the day. But the day is made up of hundreds of moments. Busy, loud, hectic,  moments of rushing our the door or getting dinner on the table. Quiet, still, midnight moments spent rocking, feeding, and comforting. Precious bedtime prayer moments where you are touched and surprised by the peek into your 4 year old's heart and concerns. Moments of mundane, vitally important opportunities to teach and mold and love and grow. And those moments are SIMPLE. They are easy to miss.  It's taken me two babies to learn to appreciate THOSE moments. They're what I end up remembering. They're what I end up cherishing. A tiny sweaty head with cherub cheeks and curly lashes, nestled on my chest in the rocking chair when I can hardly keep my eyes open and I feel like the only person in the dark universe who is awake. Giggles and squeals in the bathtub. Hurdles of pride and tears followed by hugs and forgiviness. It can be a lot of work but it's still SIMPLE. And it fills my heart with a simple kind of joy. Kids are funny like that. Like I always say, they completely fill you up and completely empty you at the same time.

So, I am putting this on an index card -

 Galations 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control; against such things, there is no law."

Then Im going to put it on the fridge as a reminder to my tiny tenders... And I'll put it on my bathroom mirror as a reminder to myself.  And then Im going to pray a lot. :)

Mambo Italiano

     Its really true, dear readers- We got it! We got another trip! (insert akward air-high-fiving and elbow nudging) But no. Not just any trip. We decided to try our luck this time and go for Europe and by some small (huge) miracle, we got it! It was confirmed two days ago and I am  still in a state of semi- disoriented shock. The happy sort...by all means, the happy sort.

The thing is, we are not these people! The people who take trips to Italy as if its no big deal. Or for that matter, the people who take trips, period.  As I've mentioned HERE and HERE its basically a big fat giant blessing to average people like us. So I am beyond thrilled and, well, lets just be real here- basically about to poop myself with excitement. We get to spend 3 nights in Milan and 3 nights in Florence, Italy! Sweet baby Jesus in a manger! We dont actually leave for 5 months so that's probably (maybe) enough time for me to calm down and behave like a normal person. Husband might have to pack an extra tranquilizer dart in case I get overly excited when we step off the plane and I start to speak incoherently or go crosseyed or something. We cant have that.  (I say "extra" eluding to the fact that he has any tranquilizer darts at all, which alas, is not the case. I just thought I'd give Husby a brooding and mysterious element of danger in today's blog post. Ya know, for fun.) Tranquilizer darts completely aside, Im sure I'll  put my foot in my mouth at least once or have some kind of unfortunate mishap while we're there to tell you about in an Akward and Awesome European Edition. Stay tuned. Meanwhile, I just had to share the good news.

It's Confirmed

Well, it's confirmed!
I cannot watch any photo montage set to music without crying. It doesnt matter what the pictures are of. I will cry. I am literally sitting in my chair chuckling (okay fine, cackling) out loud at myself right now. I think I always suspected this truth about myself, but today it was confirmed. I went to my niece's 8th grade graduation feeling 100% non-emotional about it. Just a happy day.  I sat down, looked at all the parents, was reminded that my own daughter will someday be graduating the 8th grade and had to bite my lip because I felt it coming. "Be cool Salhus" Im thinking..."It's akward if you cry. It's not even your daughter..."

Then the photo montage started. Set to music (which is the real emotional-clencher for me). I could'nt help it! I cried. I literally felt embarrassed, which made me laugh (I always default to laughing when I dont know what to do). So, I was probably a very unsettling bench-mate to the kindly, old man sitting next to me...with my half crying, half laughing, entirely strange display. Ah, who cares. Like I said, he was kindly. And my sister was there to laugh with me. She gets me. And that helps in any situation.

Sitting there in the auditorium, smelling that lingering funk specific to all school gymnasiums, looking at the pictures, looking at my niece- it all took me back to my own high school and even college days.  Any of you readers who know me well at all, know that I am a VERY nostalgiac person. "Remember When" is my second all time favorite game. (My first is "Name That Movie". Because I rule at it)

 "Remember when junior prom was ruined by my akward date?", "Rememeber when Norby and I fell in the middle of that pep rally and my cheer uniform went over my head, going from barely existent to nonexistent?", "Remember when we pulled that all nighter at Denny's?" , "Remember when we'd all sit outside in the commons talking and laughing til midnight every night?" "Remember that road trip to HB?" "Remember Amber's "Jungle Fever" dance?"(the other Amber), "Remember Little Blue? (my first car) And late night trips to Taco Bell while we listened to Aretha Franklin?" "Member that?"

I don't know why I love memory lane so much! Well, yes I do. Because we had a lot of good times! Those years for me were filled with laughter and excitement and new chapters and, of course, romances. But I don't look back on those times with anything other than fondness. I have no desire to go back to that time of life. While it was all invigorating and new and delightfully free of responsibility- it was also not "as good as it gets", as they say. Ya know what I mean? It bothers me when peers freak out and essentially turn their lives upside down, based on the desire to regain freedom or youth or whatever it is they think they want to go back to and get more of.  Yuck, that sounds judgemental. Let me rephrase. People might turn their lives upside down for any number of good and real reasons and that is, of course, no business of mine. I guess I just mean, for me personally, I hope to grab on to each day and get the most out of it, regardless of what lies within those 24 hrs. And then to move on to the next with a sense of contentment. Take it for what it is.  I hope to, and I want to, but I need to do it more.

I'm past the high school, the college, and even the newlywed days. They each had their peaks and their valleys. Now I'm in that phase where we have small children and on some days it feels like that alone is an engulfing experience. We're riding that rollercoaster of joy and triumph, heartache and fear, bafflement and wonder. Kids can take you from pride to dismay and back again multiple times in a day, yes?! And while I will admit, I have had moments (only moments!) of feeling like motherhood might swallow me whole- it's also not the only thing about me. I am a wife. I am a sister. I am a friend. I am a daughter. I am a mother. I am good at certain things and I'm hopeless at others.

I've written before about my desire and goal to be more PRESENT in each day, in each moment. It's so easy Not to do. I can so quickly fill up my time with cleaning, cooking, dressing, bathing, changing diapers, running errands. All good things. All things that need doing. But I want to take more time to appreciate. To soak it up. To play more barbies with my daughter, to make more mudpies with my son, and to remember to give my husband that look that he knows means "I love you" in the middle of the evening, bathtime chaos. To laugh more with my freinds.

But ya know what? It struck me as I was sitting there in that stinky gymnasium tearing up over pictures of kids that I dont even know- I'm happy with the way life is turning out. Not all days feel "happy", not all relationships are free of drama, I don't always know what to do as a parent, it doesnt always feel easy. Okay it rarely feels easy! But I am at a point in my life where I can look backwards with fondness and I can look forward with hope- and I can thank my God for where He's planted my feet right now, today. Wasn't it Paul who said, "I've learned how to abase and how to abound."? So whether today is a 'peak' kind of a day or a 'pit' kind of a day, it's still a day I've been given. What will I do with it?

Ahh Yeeeah

If my life were a movie, this would be the part where the music reaches a crescendo, accompanied by a joyous slow-mo reel. Naturally, there's a flash mob as well, along with confetti and a small marching band playing Journey's 'Dont Stop Believing'. (Dontcha just love Journey?!)

We got it! We got our trip! Cliffhanger, Shmiffhanger. In the end, justice was served up on a platter, and under the silver lid was two tickets to the Bahamas. Me likey. For a second I was bummed that we were not able to sign up in time for any of the Europe trips. They filled up first, naturally. But then I realized that not knowing which vacation to choose is a luxury problem and that it's totally bratty to be anything less than thrilled. Which I genuinely am. We get to go to Paradise Island, Bahamas! An all expense paid, child-free- anniversary trip to the Bahamas! How rad is THAT?  "Paradise Island" sounds like it will suit me quite nicely.
We just nailed it down today and Im still semi- beside myself. We just dont DO this kind of thing normally. Other than the last trip we earned last year, Husband and I hadnt been a proper vacation since our honeymoon 8 years ago.  And while it gives me a stomach ache to leave my kids for a whole week, it was absolutely blissful. It was one of those things where you dont know how badly you need to relax until you actually do fully relax. I THOUGHT I was relaxed on the first day. But then by the second day I quit tensing every time I heard a kid whining or needing something because I remembered that it wasnt MY kid. Then by the third day I started laughing and really enjoying myself. And somewhere around the 4th day Husband and I remembered that THIS was what it feels like to really connect and enjoy each other's company with no distractions.

Maybe this time it wont take me 3 whole days to decompress. Im still new to this vacation business, after all. August is still a few months away but that's okay. Its good to have something to look forward to. Now about dusting off my bikinis....Blurg. Not ready for that yet. Have you seen those commercials for the pajama jeans? (Im laughing really hard right now, please tell me you all have seen that commercial?) Maybe they make bikini jeans. LOL. Nah, bad plan. I have two words for how I would look in that contraption: STUFFED SAUSAGE. Maybe a few more months is a good thing...

The Weight of Worry

In my recent post "An Anchor for the soul ", I shared a bit of how I've been struggling with fear. Fear of something terrible. Fear of the unknown. Fear of, I dont even know what! As if I dont have enough legitimate concerns to deal with in a day, I'm now conjuring up newly invented, undefinable concerns as well. Perfect. At least Im thorough.

While I recognize the existance of this inner struggle as of late, I feel that I have not exactly conquered it yet. Or if I have, its been only rarely and briefly. Fear is a beast! A vicious beast with its finger on my pulse, and a chokehold on my neck. (Figuratively, of course.) Its with a smirk, and a tongue-in-cheek attitude that I speak so dramatically in reference to something that actually is a bit dramatic for me. Its how I cope. So bear with me.

It just so happens that Im one week deep into a two week wait to find out if I have skin cancer. On the whole, I know that Im young and there's a good chance that I dont have melanoma. I also know there's a good chance that I do. My mom has had skin cancer more than once, and more recently, my sister was diagnosed with melanoma.  We were not blessed with porcelain skin. Its more like alabaster. The color of blue iced milk. I accepted my inability to be tan long ago, but the smattering of freckles and moles I get instead is hardly a consolation prize. So I've had a bad gut feeling about a couple of moles for over a year now, but have put off going to the dermatologist on the flimsy basis of not having the time, or not wanting to spend the money, but truthfully its been because Im just too chicken. But after my sister was diagnosed with melanoma, my cage was sufficiently rattled. It was time to quit mucking about and just grow a pair (again, figuratively, of course) and go get on a doctor's radar. So I rallied my courage and went.

After spending 30-some-odd minutes sitting alone in a room with my anxious thoughts and working up a nice cold sweat in my paper gown, the doctor didnt have much to say to ease my mind. I heard lots of  "Hmmm"s and "Tsk"s and "I dont like the look of that"s. Ultimately she cut out 3 moles to send to the lab and told me to come back in ten days to get stitches out and hold tight for two weeks until we know the results. Right. Hold tight. This is highly inconvenient to a person who's two chief weaknesses are impatience and worry.
I left the doctors office, started my car, and tried very hard to ignore the panic that I felt rising in my chest. Or at least keep it at bay. My first thought was, "Who can love my kids as fiercely as I do if I die?" I don't want to be a drama queen. I'm not a hypochondriac. Im fairly confident that the rational side of my brain in still in tact. But I do think God has a knack for pinpointing these weaknesses/fears in our hearts and drawing them to the surface every now and then. Like bile, rising up, whether you like it or not. Yet however uncomfortable it feels, and however much it makes me squirm and want to plug my ears like a little kid who actually thinks that works in warding off unpleasant news, I do believe these fears being brought to the surface and dealt with is ultimately for my own greater good.
I keep using the word "fears" in a vague sense. I suppose it boils down to a fundamental fear that something bad will happen to my children. Or that some terrible, unforseen accident will befall my husband and I, and how this will ultimately affect my tiny tenders. The thought alone makes my chest tighten, my vision blur with tears, and gives me a mild urge to dry heave.  Ironically enough though, I've found that the most theraputic way to deal with this fear is to face it head on rather than run screaming for the hills. I've thought a lot this week about what would happen if my biopsy came back positive for cancer. Odds are they'd go back in, cut it all out, stitch me up, and I'd carry on perfectly fine with only another scar to add to my collection. But what if that werent the case? What if I actually died? (hey, I warned you to bear with me!) What if I actually died of skin cancer? What then? Do I still believe that God is good? Do I still believe that He loves me and has a more perfect plan for my life? A plan that trumps my own? Do I believe that He loves my husband and each of my children infinitely more than I even could? Well,yes... I guess I do. I couldnt abandon any of those beliefs even if I wanted to. "I just know in my knower"(as my mom used to say), that He does. So whaddayagonnado? Im still "in it". I dont have a nicely packaged little antecdote to come out the other side of my head trip with. I do know one thing though: Fear is a beast I need not wrestle with. Because if I truly trust in my God, if I have a big enough measure of faith, then I can have a real peace that passes understanding. I heard once that the single most repeated instruction from God in the bible is "Fear not." 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind". God is never the source of my inner turbulence. We are imperfect people living in an imperfect world. His grace and peace are intensified not in spite of, but because of my personal trials. Every verse I've read in the past week has said things like "Take courage", "Be still, be calm" "Dont be afraid" "Find solitude" and "Recognize my hand in this"...

I read about David and Goliath. David slew the lion and the bear, and having thus developed courage, he moved unflinchingly to confront the giant Philistine. It was in this area of courage that he was above his fellows. Quiet faith had its moment of open revelation. Building faith in the lesser challenges will be a delivering angel in the most calamitous moment.
SO. Skin cancer or no skin cancer, I'll be okay.  The weight of worry can rob me of peace and joy just as easily as any hardship I may face. So why bother with it, really?

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things....

Great, I will have that darn song stuck in my head all day long now...
At the risk of being a little narcisstic in thinking that anyone gives a hoot about my  list of favorite things, I went ahead and made one anyway. If Oprah can have a list of Favorite Things,  then why shouldnt I? Haha!-  not that I would lump myself in with Oprah. For a number of reasons.
Seeing as how this blog is, I assume, more for my own personal benefit than anyone else's, and seeing as how lists ARE one of my favorite things, I thought it fitting to make one. Officially.
The following items are in no particular order of rank or importance. Rather, it is just the order in which they occurred to me. Also, I should clarify that it is not an all inclusive list. Just "a few"!

1) MY MORNING COFFEE. This is old news. But Folgers in my cup really might be the best part of waking up. Even better is morning coffee with my best girlfreinds or mom/sister. We dont do it often enough, but it is always good fun.

2) A GOOD LAUGH. There are very few character traits I esteem higher than a good sense of humor. Surely there are a few, but not many. I am a person who laughs a lot, and who can find the humor in almost any situation. So a good hearty/ throw-your-head-back-and-bellow kind of a laugh is my one of my most favorite things. Not to be outdone by a chuckling/ does-anyone-else-think-this-is-funny?-kind of a laugh, or a laughing-so-hard-my-cheeks-and-stomach-hurt-kind of a laugh.

3) FEELING CUTE EVEN WHEN ITS COLD. Which, by the way, is sometimes hard to do when bulky layers win out over fashion sensability. I love a good hoodie. It feels great. It rarely looks great (at least on me). And while hoodies will always have a time and a place in my closet, this season a few of my favorite wardrobe 'things' are as follows (in any combination): Boots. Skirts with opaque tights. Scarves. Belts (I feel naked without a belt) My black 'leather' jacket. Dont laugh. It makes me feel cooler than I really am. Cardigans. Heels. I could do a whole blog as an ode to my shelf of rarely used, pretty heels. But I wont- that's obnoxious. And always and forever, my absolute favorite clothing item will be, a good pair of jeans. And hey, I might even get wild and try a pair of ankle boots. Nah, who am I kidding? I cant pull that off. Not with these ankles.

3) A JOLLY HOME.  As much as I secretly hate doing the work of digging out christmas decorations, taking down usual decor and replacing it with the festive stuff- and then putting it all back a month later, I do love and enjoy the cozy feel of the tree, the decorations, the apple cinnamon candles, etc. Possibly the only thing I love more than a clean house is a clean and jolly house.

4) THE OTHER AMBER. I feel a little guilty for having singled out one person to put on my list of favorite things because there are many more. My mom, my sister, my cousin, my 'poopie', my husband, my closest girlfriends- I could keep going but y'all know who you are. And yes I recognize that this is cheating a little bit because these are people and not things, but its my list! So I feel it is worthy of mention because for as long as I can remember (25 years to be exact) I have identified as one half of  "The Ambers". Was it fate? God's plan? Silly coincidence? I dont know and I dont care, but I just love her for a million and one reasons. I shall list a few: 1) We share the same name. Its fitting, its convenient (seeing as how we've often come as a package deal), its maybe even a bit kitschy, but its fun! 2) There is never any drama. Ever. This is extremely rare among women and I absolutely do not take it for granted. 3) She knows me well enough to often be a foregone conclusion. I find this to be comforting and easy, rather than annoying. 4) She loves my kids as much as I love hers. And now our daughters are the age that we were when we met and became dearest of chums. We might have to force the legacy onto them, although I have a feeling we wont need to. 5) She thinks Im funny. This seems like a wildly selfish and ridiculous reason, but you know what? It makes for a good time! And inconsequentially, I find her to be funny as well.

5) COOKING A GOOD MEAL. Over the years I have come to love cooking more and more. Every important thing I know about cooking I learned from my mother and my sister. Or Giada de Laurentiis. I also love to watch cooking shows, particularly Barefoot Contessa or Nigella Lawson. They are brilliant, classy ladies who make preparing food look and feel like its almost an art. When I first got married I barely knew the  basics, and thus fell into the timid trap of throwing out some kind of disclaimer before one bite was ever taken of any meal I had cooked. Which Im pretty sure most people just find irritating. Since then I've come a long way, but still feel like I have only scratched the surface. Every now and again my sister, who teaches cooking classes (and will always put me to shame in the kitchen), will throw out some term nonchalantly, and I just nod my head pretending to know what she's talking about. Until we both start laughing because, as I've said before, Im almost completely incapable of hiding anything.

6) SNEAKING KISSES. This one has two parts: Initially, I was referring to my insatiable need to kiss my childrens freshly shampooed heads after they've gone to sleep at night. But there is also something sweet about stolen kisses between my husband and I. Granted, its usually the quick, walking out the door or passing in the hallway variety. But even if its just that, its still a reminder that we love each other. We used to spend leisurely weekends together filled with movie dates and dinners out,  now we spend leisurely weekends together as a family, filled with chicken nuggets flying through the air and saturday morning cartoons. Romance changes with the phases of life, but as long as you never lose it altogether, I think its okay if it looks a little different than it used to.

7) SPOUSAL WARS. I dont mean real fights. I mean the practical joke 'wars' that my husband I get into when we are feeling feisty. They can go on for days or weeks at a time and I usually end up losing in the end. I splash him with my toothbrush water and then sit smuggly on the toilet, only to be doused with water 5 seconds later. He will 'pants' me when Im trying to get dressed. Then there's the classic stealing of the pillows when the other one gets up to shut off lights at night or use the restroom. There is usually water fights and wrestling involved (at which I am useless), and as I said, I might win a few battles, but ultimately I lose the war. I make a big fuss and like to feign total exasperation but secretly I think all the banter is fun. With one exception: every single night he lets me get into bed first, then he turns off the light, takes off his socks, rolls them into a tight ball, and throws them at me. Real charming. It was funny for about 2 months. Now I really do just hate it.
Im going to leave it at 7 favorite things for today. Gotta stop somewhere. If you had a list of favorite things, what would it look like I wonder?

Afternoon Delight!

  Im only referring to my cup of coffee, actually. But it is delightful. When did I become this person? This person who went from not even liking coffee at all, even when I was a barista- to liking it, to loving it, to needing it, to having it twice a day? In the morning I always choose coffee over food- always. Well, actually, I hate most breakfast foods anyways. Which is odd, for a person who loves food as much as I do (and I do).

 Breakfast is the one meal that I really could just do without. Im not a sweets person and most breakfast foods are sweet. Yogurt. Blech. It tastes good going down, but then you're left with that filmy, milky, residue-y aftermath in your mouth. No thank you. And cereal. Dont even get me started on cereal. There are two main problems there: 1) Its cold. Im too tired to shovel something cold into my mouth early in the morning -if that makes any sense. A nice, hot, strong cup of coffee is much more my speed. And 2) its accompanied by milk. Which I dont love. There are precisely two instances in which I can gag down milk and they are when I drink it with oreos and when I drink it while eating peanut butter. But cereal is one of those foods that baffle me. People seem to just love it. Its the same with tea. People LOVE their tea. I dont care much for it. Its like dirty water. Non-juice. Its just different than I wish it was. But Im tempted to force myself into liking it, only because of the level of enjoyment people seem to get out of it. They hunch up their shoulders, wrap their hands around a warm mug of tea, and inhale it before sipping away like its a little slice of heaven. I seriously think Im missing the boat on this one.

I have one more bone to pick with breakfast foods and then I will be quiet. Why is it, that you can never go to a restaraunt, and order french toast along with all the other accoutrements, as one meal? Its always the french toast, all by itself, as its own meal. You can order pancakes with sausage, eggs, potatoes... Why are pancakes so special? They are essentially sweet, soggy, bread- and if there is one thing in the whole world that gets my gag reflex, it is soggy bread. (insert dry heave).
Well, I suppose there has to be a few things that I DONT like. Because lord knows I can scarcely pass up a bowl of pasta! Or any carb for that matter.

Maybe Im just a coffee-loving elitist. Maybe tea is simply an acquired taste and I just havent acquired it yet. I'll tackle that one after I tackle wine. Maybe soon I'll be a wine drinking, tea- loving grown up.

Vay. Cay. Shun.

August 7, 2011

In a few days, I am going to be plucked out of my everyday responsibilities, and going on a real and proper vacation with my husband. SANS children. This is a big deal. We don't really do this....ever. Im 50% excited 50% anxious about leaving my babies for a whole week. Ok, 60% excited 40% anxious. Ok fine, 70%/30%. Dont judge!
While there are not many things I can think of in my life that fulfill me  more than raising my two lovies, I can openly admit, I need to recharge. Nothing can fill you up and completely empty you at the same time quite like parenting, yes?
So for 7 glorious days, Im giong to lie on the beach. Im going to sleep through the night and wake up only because my body 'just feels like it'. I will read an entire book! Im going to eat and drink to my hearts content. I will not hear my name 500 times a day. I will not wipe any noses or bums other than my own. And while I will worry far too much and miss my kids til my stomach aches, Im going to hang up my 'mommy' hat and savor the chance to worry about nothing other than being Nathan's wife. Im going to celebrate being married for 9 years to the man I love. Im going to have the time to look him in the eye during a conversation. For one little snippet of time, we get to be that totally fun, carefree couple we used to be. And maybe we still are?
I guess its good to have something to look forward to. But its also good to realize that even when you dont, your life is still blessed.