31 Flavors

The last couple of birthdays were milestones of sorts for me.

The last year of my twenties. The first year of my thirties. For some reason it just felt like a big deal, whereas this birthday just feels like another year. 31. Meh. I have no groundbreaking insights or major feelings on the subject whatsoever. But for no good reason other than entertainment, I made a list. Of random things you might not know about me.

1.  I answer to an array of nicknames including, but not limited to, "Poopie", "Ambergesa", "Lady BeauFontaine", "Craig Tippie", "Bombie", "Bammer", "Google Search Bar", "Twiggy", and "Lammer Lynn". Im not sure if these nicknames say more about me or the people I am close to?
2. I hate talking on the phone. In person, I can hardly shut up. On the phone- pretty much always awkward.
3. My family and close friends know that I am a bad driver. What they don't know is that I'm actually a really GOOD driver when I'm by myself. Unfortunately I have no way of ever proving this.
4. I keep an immaculate home. I don't do dirt, I don't do dust, and I don't do clutter. I always tell my best friend, "Ugh, my house is a MESS!" ...and she always knows this to be untrue. However neurotic I may be about the rest of my house, surprisingly I never clean my shower. I mean, we're talking two, maybe three times a year. Sick! I know. The trouble is that in order to clean the shower, you have to be IN the shower, and let's face it, I hardly have enough time to shave my legs properly in there, much less scrub down the tiles. Something's gotta give and apparently it's the shower.
5.  I am a better singer than I am a dancer. This is not saying much. I do both anyway.
6.  My best feature: long naturally curled eyelashes.
7.  My worst feature: How much time do we have? Tankles, lame hair, gums that show too much when I smile, a prominent nose, a pinhead (really, I can never find hats or sunglasses that look right), a slight baby paunch, I could go on and on, but yah, I'd say tankles tops the list. There's just nothing I'll ever be able to do about that.
8. Place I most desperately want to visit: Scotland.
9. I have only kissed 7 gents in my lifetime. And one dolphin... Sparks flew, emotions ran high.
10.  Characteristic I most appreciate in others: honesty and a ready wit.
11.  Characteristic I most dislike in others: passive aggressiveness and narcissism.
12.  The only famous people I have ever been told I resemble are Jerry Seinfield and Mayim Bialik. So...that sucks.
13.  My drink of choice is honey whiskey. On the rocks. Shaken, not stirred- oh wait, that doesn't apply.
14.  My absolute dream scenario job: a sketch comedy writer or performer. Yah right, I wish.
15.  I subscribe to the idea of "Major on the majors, minor on the minors." In parenting, in marriage, in most areas of life.
16.  I don't have a sweet tooth, I have a carb tooth. No one seems to acknowledge this as a real problem.
17.  I secretly (openly) love Taco Bell. I'm not proud, but it is what it is. If you ever want to know the perfect trifecta to order there, call me and I'll walk you through it. And yes, I eat 3 things. I have no shame.
18.  I work out all the time but I am neither athletic, nor sporty. In high school, I was on the cheerleading and bowling teams. I was always slightly embarrassed about both but only because of the stigma attached to each one, not  because I actually thought they were lame. And if you weren't aware of the bowling team stigma, it's that they're nerds.
19.  Speaking of high school, I was declared Best Sense of Humor in my senior class. I went to a very small high school.
20.  If I could use a famous person free pass, it would be with Ryan Gosling or Chris Hemsworth.
21.  If Husband could use a famous person free pass, it would be with Carrie Underwood (understandable) or Anna Paquin (seriously? I don't know why, but that one bothers me.)
22.  Neither of us would ever really use a famous person free pass.
23.  I wear a lot of V neck t shirts. My sister wears a lot of crew necks. This makes her the more appropriately clad daughter in my mother's opinion.
24.  If you give me even the smallest opening to make fun of you, even the slightest bit of ammunition, I simply cannot pass up the opportunity. I just can't let anything slide. Don't take it personally, it's how I show affection. (You should see how I make out! LOL) (Get it?!)
25. I have two recurring dreams. 1) That my friend Poopie, and Amy Poehler pick me up from the airport in Amy's car and we all laugh hysterically the whole way home, just like I always knew we would. 2) That my husband abruptly and nonchalantly announces over dinner one night that he is leaving me for Angelina Jolie. And then he tells me to get over it and pass the potatoes. I am equal parts destroyed and enraged by this news and I try to scream but I can't get any sound to come out.
26. I grew up a pastor's kid. This often gave people a predisposed opinion of me and more often than not they were off base.
27. I always make the bed. Even if its in the afternoon and I know no one will even see it.
28. I can mimic any facial expression.
29. I believe in hospitality. In making people feel welcome not just in my home, but in my life. I think this is somewhat of a lost art on my generation- hosting and hospitality.
30. I'm a voracious reader. I always have been. I use a lot of antiquated words and phrases and my friends make fun of me for it. When they do, I always say "What?! I read a lot as a kid!" as if that's a good comeback? As if that helps my case or makes me look any cooler. I used the phrase "Don't darken my door" with a group of friends recently and they nearly ate me alive. I heard about that one for weeks. It doesn't always pay to be well versed in old people lingo.
31.  I believe that a strong faith and a good sense of humor can get you through almost anything in life.